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Summer in my Mind
People around me are beginning to shed their heavy clothes and, with their children, romp around and swim in their pools. I fell lost and alone...apart from their joys. I am a prisoner of a body that no longer lets me do what my mind would will it to...a prisoner of a mind that often races to fast or crashes and slows down like a file that won't download on a dial up internet connection. To have on crippling problem would be enough to overcome but I have been blessed with two...Fibromyalgia and Bipolar Disorder. Fibromyalgia is little understood by doctors which makes it a joy to explain to others. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh my friend/mother/sister has that. It's no big deal." Like anything else, Fibromyalgia has its degrees of Hell. I'm at the bottom...in the deepest recesses as I am disabled by it. My pain is constant and it effects everything I do. Bipolar Disorder is at least understood by doctors but it isn't easily treated when you have other conditions that hold you back. Bipolar Disorder can actually be liberating in a healthy body. Most people with Bipolar are highly creative and intelligent. Many live active lives...I envy those people. Summer used to be my favorite time of year. I could be out all day and never sunburn, swim for hours, run and play all sports. Now it is a Hellish nightmare of sunburn, chlorine allergies, no running and no playing of sports. I either go out in the cool of the morning or the evening for short walks to keep myself going. Someday, maybe, I will regain some of what I have lost and be able to play and romp with future grandchildren...I haven't given up hope. Enjoy yourselves while you can oh young and healthy ones. Make the most out of everyday that you have because you never know when something can change and take it all away from you. Live you life to its fullest so you will have no regrets for what might have been.
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Contributor's Note
I wrote this after watching neighbors enjoying themselves in and around a pool.
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RevSkull
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Have you been checked out for Lyme Disease. I have had it for 20 years, and it can cause the same symptoms as you described. It mimics the bi-polar, and all of the symptoms of fibromyalgia. Unfortunately, as with fibromyalgia, not many doctors know anything about it. And if doctors don't know, they don't usually find out, and let you...f..a..d..e..........a...w.....a.........y
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Thanks...and yes, my first diagnosis came up on Long Island which is pretty much the home of Lyme Disease. Complex blood test then, several years back and just recently ruled out Lyme Disease. Fibromyalgia is considered rare in men only because in its milder (more common) forms, it doesn't feel like anything more than "overdoing it" and we have a phobia of doctors. It has to get out of hand before we seek help.
You said:I haven't given up hope. How brave you are. Hang in there.
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